Formerly Thackeray & Sons — Chimney Sweeps & Cleaners of the Hearth
Proudly Serving the Greater Houston Area†
“No chimney too foul. No roof too steep. No hour too early.”
The fifth star is withheld by the Proprietor himself, who considers it something to work toward.
To the Householders, Restaurateurs, Innkeepers, Pastors and Persons of Quality of Harris County and the counties adjoining — the Undersigned begs leave to announce that this Firm, having swept without interruption since 1847, has as of the sixth day of July last passed into new hands, and has been removed entire from the City of London to the City of Houston, where it now carries on the Trade of Chimney Sweeping in all its Branches upon terms as reasonable as the times permit.
Five generations of the Thackeray family held this business before him, and it passed each time from father to son. Josiah Thackeray founded it in Whitechapel in 1847 and swept until his son was old enough to take the rods from him. That son did the same, and his son after, and his — through the coal age, the fogs, two wars, the Clean Air Act, and the long slow decline of the London fire. Albert Thackeray, fifth of the line, took the Firm from his father in 1995 and swept it for thirty-one years.
There was to be no sixth Thackeray. His children had gone into other work and there was no one left in the family to hand it to, so he made the only decision he thought was available to him: he would finish out the year, settle his accounts, and close the business for good. He had already begun telling his regulars. A hundred and seventy-nine years was going to stop quietly, at Christmas, and that was that.
Then, on an ordinary Tuesday in July, he sat down to lunch in a chip shop and found himself at the next table to a stranger from Texas. The Undersigned is that stranger. He is the sixth proprietor of this business and the first not of the founder’s blood, and he would rather say so plainly here than have you find it out later.
What he purchased was not a building. It was a name, a ledger in unbroken sequence since 1847, a set of rods, and a sign. All of it fit in a single shipping crate, and all of it now sits in a yard off North Shepherd. Every person he consulted told him that moving a London chimney business to the Gulf Coast was a poor idea — his family said it, his friends said it, and a man at the bank said it twice. He heard them all out and did it anyway.
Mr. Thackeray sold on one firm condition: that the look and name of the business survive him unchanged. The sign, the lettering, the old wording — all of it stays exactly as it has been. The single exception he allowed was the surname, so that the business would carry the name of whoever was doing the work. The Undersigned put his name to that condition in writing, and intends to keep his word.
The Proprietor attends personally to every Engagement. He keeps no apprentices, employs no journeymen, and dispatches no substitute in his stead. What is promised by him is performed by him. A Chimney entrusted to this Establishment is swept by the same man who quoted the price for it — a claim he can make with total confidence, there being no one else.
Punctuality is observed. Cloths are laid. Boots are removed at the threshold without being asked. The Householder’s carpet is returned in the condition in which it was found, and the soot is carted away entire — a courtesy the Proprietor mentions only because he has been informed it is worth mentioning.
A Sequence Unbroken Since 1847
Reproduced here in part, exactly as entered, spelling and all.
The ledger continues below the fold. The Proprietor has offered to let interested Householders read further and no one has yet taken him up on it.
Schedule the First
Rates as revised at Michaelmas, the Firm having always revised them at Michaelmas. Payable upon completion in coin, in banknote, or by the tapping of a card upon his telephone.
Top to bottom, brush and rod, the whole of it. Includes the gathering and removal of soot.
The chimney examined top to bottom by eye, inside and out. A written report follows, signed and dated, suitable for presentation to an Insurer or a doubting spouse.
Charged above the ordinary rate on account of creosote, which is a different enemy than soot and must be met differently.
Nests, fallen brick, mortar, dead grackles, live grackles, squirrels, and the occasional raccoon, which is charged at the upper end of the range and cheerfully so.
Required upon the sale of a property or after a chimney fire. Includes the lowering of a camera, which the Proprietor regards as cheating but performs without complaint.
the Proprietor sleeps lightly and is not so proud as to pretend otherwise.
For an additional charge the Proprietor will conduct the entire engagement in a British accent of his own devising. He will address the Householder as guv’nor regardless of that person’s sex or station, will refer to the chimney throughout as the ol’ smokestack, and will not break character for any reason, including the arrival of your mother-in-law or the discovery of a structural crack. The accent has been described by three separate patrons as “not from anywhere.” he considers this a review of the performance rather than a refutation of it. No refunds are issued on the accent.
The prudent arrangement. A saving of some $228 against the ordinary rate, and the Proprietor comes without being sent for.
Concerning the Man Himself
Mr. Jeffrey Hund, Sixth Proprietor, sole owner and sole employee of this Establishment. Of Houston, Texas. In the Trade since the sixth of July. Formerly of Galveston Bay.
The Proprietor did not come to the Trade by the usual road. He came to it from the sea, and he came very recently.
Briefly, since it is not what this page is about: for six weeks of the early summer the Proprietor worked as a dolphin whisperer out of Kemah, in Galveston Bay. He liked it. It ended because he turned out to be one of the unlucky few who get more seasick over time rather than less, and by the end of June he could not reliably be on a boat, so he stopped. He will tell you the whole of it if you ask. Householders wishing the chimney swept within the estimated time are advised not to ask.
What he did next was fly to England, for one reason only: to find the best fish and chips in the country. He worked at it seriously, ate at a different shop most days, and kept notes.
On the fourth day, in a chip shop in Whitechapel, he fell into conversation with the man at the next table — an older gentleman eating alone, who mentioned that he was closing his business at the end of the year. His great-great-grandfather had started it in 1847 and it had come down through four generations, but his own children had gone into other work and there was nobody to take it on. He was not selling it. He had not thought to try. He was simply going to shut it. The Proprietor asked what sort of business it was. The gentleman told him. He put down his fork.
They talked for two hours. Mr. Thackeray had no interest in the money and every interest in what became of the thing, and he set his terms before he would talk about a price. The look and the name of the business had to stay as they were — the sign, the lettering, the old wording, all of it. The one thing he would allow to change was the surname, so the business would carry the name of whoever was doing the work.
The Proprietor agreed on the spot and has kept to it since. On the sixth of July he became the sixth proprietor of a business two years younger than the State of Texas and a great deal better documented. He never did settle the fish and chips question, and says the notes are inconclusive.
He selected the Trade for the single reason that a chimney does not move. He wishes this understood as the whole of his reasoning. It is dry, it is fixed to the ground, and it has never once pitched beneath him. Everything else — the soot, the ladders, the hours, the history, the fact that he now owns a British institution and operates it from a yard off North Shepherd — he has been learning since the sixth of July, in order, as it arrives.
He has swept fourteen chimneys to date. Mr. Thackeray is still reachable by phone and has been phoned. The Proprietor does not sing on the rooftops, having tried it once in his second week to the general dismay of a cul-de-sac in Garden Oaks, and he holds the fashion for cheerful sweeps to be a fiction invented by people who have never swept anything — a firm opinion for a man three weeks into the job.
He reads. He keeps a dog of indifferent breeding named Cinder, who accompanies him on engagements and who will sit outside if requested, though she will not be happy about it.
The Proprietor wishes it plainly understood that the words & Sons upon the sign are inherited rather than aspirational. They referred to the Thackeray sons, who are alive, well, and in other lines of work. There are no Hund sons. The surname was the only word he was free to change, so the surname is the only word he changed — one board, one pot of paint, four letters. He is aware that this leaves the sign advertising sons who do not exist. He has stopped bringing it up.
Our People
The full complement of this Firm, set down plainly so that Householders may know who to expect at the door.
Total Staff — Four
Sweeps the chimneys. Quotes the work. Carts the soot. Answers the telephone, sends the invoice, and performs the accent when it has been paid for.
Reports to no one. Has attempted to report to Cinder and was not acknowledged.
Great-great-grandson of the founder. Took the Firm from his father in 1995, held it thirty-one years, and had no one of his own to pass it to. Sold it in July and retains no interest, financial or otherwise. Remains in London and has no plans to visit Texas.
Is telephoned. Answers. Has begun to say “you rang me about this on Tuesday,” and to point out that it is half past four in the morning where he is, which the present owner takes as encouragement.
Attends every engagement. Supervises from the doorway. Has never entered a chimney and has never been asked to, this Firm being wholly opposed to the practice on principle.
Will sit outside if the Householder requests it. Will not be happy about it, and the Proprietor asks that you weigh this before requesting it.
Retained in an advisory capacity from his former career, which ended on the twenty-ninth of June. They have no duties, draw no wage, and have never been to the yard. They are approximately fifty miles southeast of it and, the Proprietor notes, doing fine.
They remain listed at his express and repeated insistence. He is aware they cannot be reached. He would like them on the roster regardless.
Unsolicited
Collected since the change of ownership. The Proprietor notes that the full set covers a period of some weeks, and asks that this be weighed against the fact that they are all of them real.
“Mr. Hund attended upon us at seven in the morning and was gone by nine, and I could not afterwards determine by any inspection of the living room that he had been in it at all. He put down more drop cloth than I have ever seen a tradesman put down in this city.”
Mrs. E. Abernathy — The Heights, 11th July 2026
“Our fireplace had not drawn properly in eleven years. Two companies told us the fault lay in the house. The fault lay in a grackle’s nest of remarkable ambition. Mr. Hund produced it entire and set it upon the step for our inspection, which I found unnecessary but sincere.”
Rev. T. Marchbanks — Montrose, 17th July 2026
“He is new. He does not pretend otherwise. He looked something up on his phone twice in front of me and told me plainly what he was looking up. I have had contractors of thirty years’ standing in this city who would not have done that, and my chimney is fine.”
Mr. H. Pellow — River Oaks, 21st July 2026
“The dog is very well behaved. The chimney also is much improved. He asked to leave her in the shade rather than the van, which I thought said something.”
Miss C. Whitlow — Bellaire, 24th July 2026
“We engaged the accent for my husband’s birthday. I wish to state for the record that it is not a Cockney accent. It is not an English accent. At one point it went to Australia and did not come back. My husband laughed until he had to sit down on the hearth. We have booked him again.”
Mrs. R. Dunnage — Sugar Land, 27th July 2026
“He mentioned the dolphins unprompted, at length, and with feeling. I had asked what I owed him.”
Mr. A. Coles — Katy, 28th July 2026
“Perfectly satisfactory in every respect. I have no complaint of any kind and would recommend him without reservation to anyone in Harris County.”
Mr. D. Verity — Spring Branch, 14th August 2026‡
“The best sweep inside the Loop. A credit to the Trade and to the Thackeray name he now carries.”
Mrs. P. Loam — The Woodlands, 22nd August 2026‡
★★☆☆☆“Chimney is fine. Did not care for the accent. I did not order the accent. He says he threw it in free of charge, which is not the point.”
Mr. R. Keeler — Pearland, 20th July 2026
‡ The final two testimonials have not yet been received. The Proprietor, being new and having a great deal to arrange, thought it prudent to set them down in advance and has undertaken to obtain them nearer the time. He does not regard this as dishonest so much as efficient, and notes that he has flagged them plainly, which is more than most establishments would do. Mr. Keeler’s review, above, required no such arrangement and is printed exactly as received.
Schedule the Second
Which the Proprietor sets down here in order that they need not be discussed upon the doorstep.
Put to Him Repeatedly
Set down here in the hope of reducing their frequency.
Three weeks. The Firm has been doing it since 1847. The Proprietor has been doing it since the sixth of July, and he has placed this question first because it is the one everybody asks and he would rather it were dealt with before the pricing.
Nothing happened to Thackeray. Albert Thackeray is retired, well, and living in Whitechapel, which is five thousand miles and six hours from here. He was the fifth of his family to hold the Firm — his father handed it to him in 1995, as his grandfather had handed it to his father, back to Josiah Thackeray in 1847. His own children went into other lines of work, so he had decided to close the business at the end of the year and was some way through telling people so. He was not looking for a buyer. The two of them met by chance over lunch. Householders who would have preferred Thackeray are invited to say so; it gets back to him and he is flattered.
Because the Proprietor lives in Houston and the Firm was for sale. He considered moving to London and concluded that it was easier to move a crate than a life. The rods, the ledger, the sign and the name came over in July. The chimneys of Whitechapel are now attended by somebody else and he wishes them well.
Fewer than in Whitechapel. The Proprietor was aware of this before he bought the business, has done the arithmetic, and stands by the decision. Houston has some fifteen to twenty nights a year cold enough to justify a fire and several hundred thousand fireplaces standing ready for them — most of them gas, many of them unswept since installation, and a good number housing wildlife. The season is short. The work is not.
On the roof in August, yes. The Proprietor works early for this reason and is generally finished before the worst of it. He wishes to note that a chimney in this climate is a different animal from a chimney in London — the enemy here is moisture, rust and nesting rather than coal soot, and he has had to learn a trade sideways as well as from the beginning. He mentions this not as an excuse but because it is interesting, and because he has nobody else to tell.
Once in the year for ordinary use, and more often where wood is burned in quantity. The Proprietor will tell you honestly if you have come too early, which he understands is not the general practice of the Trade and which has already cost him money.
No.
No.
The Proprietor thanks you for your interest in this Establishment.
It is not. The Proprietor is on the roof to work and holds that a roof is a poor place to be doing anything else. He is aware of the stories. They predate him by some decades and he inherited them along with everything else, and he would like it known that whatever the Thackerays did up there in the 1970s is a matter between them and their own consciences.
The Proprietor is not the proper party to answer this. Patrons have variously described it as “not from anywhere,” “drifting,” and “somehow worse in the second hour.” He holds that an accent is a matter of commitment rather than accuracy, and asks to be judged on the first of those.
He was, in Galveston Bay, from the eighteenth of May to the twenty-ninth of June of this year — six weeks, of which the first three went well and the last three did not. He asks that you not raise it during a visit unless you have the afternoon free, and he notes that he has never once brought it up himself, a claim disputed by every patron who has met him.
The Proprietor does not accept the premise. Both trades involve a confined space, an unhappy animal, and a man arriving to sort it out. He considers the second to be the first performed on dry land, fifty miles inland, and he has stopped explaining this to people because of how they look at him while he does it.
No. The Proprietor is insured in the State of Texas, is in nightly telephone contact with a man of thirty-one years’ standing, and will tell you plainly when he does not know something — which is the whole of what you actually want from a tradesman, and which is a great deal rarer than experience.
Someone must be, of age and able to answer for the property. The Proprietor will not accept a key left beneath a mat, having formed a low opinion of the mat as an instrument of security.
Then you will be charged for more than one chimney. The Proprietor raises this because the discovery has on four occasions now been made by him, on the roof, after the price has been agreed, and he would very much rather it were made by you, now, reading this.
Upon the sweeping, yes — if the chimney does not draw properly after his visit the Proprietor returns without charge. Upon the accent, no. The accent is sold as heard.
Beyond Beltway 8 by arrangement, at $2 the mile. The Proprietor will go as far as Galveston for the work but will not go out on the water once he arrives, for reasons set out above, and asks that this not be tested.
To Engage the Proprietor
Applications are entered in the Day Book in the order received and answered within the fortnight.
Correspondence may also be directed by post, by telephone, or by presenting yourself at the door, which the Proprietor finds is generally the quickest.